As last week has drawn to a close and time slows down to allow my brain and heart to process all that has happened in the past two weeks, I still sit speechless, unsure of what to say or how to feel. Words aren’t typically difficult for me, especially in my writing. When I am rendered speechless, I am usually able to express my feelings in writing. But what makes this so difficult is that not every day is the same, let alone minute by minute. Things continue to change so rapidly, it takes several hours for my brain to catch up, if it does at all.
Being inundated with information so frequently has proven very difficult for me. As someone who struggles with anxiety, and has worked very hard, just in daily life, to interpret the difference between rational and irrational thought, I have had to put very strict parameters on the amount of information I allow myself to be exposed to each day. And, with the amount of misinformation that has been distributed across multiple media platforms, it’s been more than overwhelming to keep up.
While I agree that it is important to remain informed in order to keep yourself and your family safe, I still struggle with a balance between gathering enough information to remain knowledgeable and going too far. There are so many unknowns, and for me especially, that is where my mind wanders, and I tend to get stuck with no way out. I find myself asking questions like, “What if this never goes away?” or, “What happens if we can’t get this under control?” I have a tendency to lose focus, and I have to force myself daily to seek the good; those silver linings that linger in the background of really hard things. I have to force myself to have a spirit of hope and trust that things will turn out okay.
As teachers, we pour our hearts out for our students each day. We stay up late planning lessons, create materials to help children understand tough concepts, and spend our time, money and energy on our classrooms to make sure our students are receiving the best educational experience possible. But, with radical engagement comes extreme fatigue. As humans, we aren’t meant to push ourselves to the point of exhaustion without taking time for ourselves. To be fully present for others, we have to find time to rest and fill our buckets.
In this time of great uncertainty and change, I am choosing to find time for myself. Instead of continuing to plan and prepare or worry about how I am going to navigate this “new normal,” I am choosing to radically withdraw. I am forcing myself to take a step back, breathe, and release myself from the pressure to do things perfectly and simply take care of me.
Although this Spring Break has not turned out as expected, and I am “stuck” inside, I am choosing to see the beauty in having time to do the things that I love and find new hobbies to keep me grounded; and I encourage you to do the same. If there were ever a time to reset and take full advantage of your down time, it’s now. Our students need us at our best more than ever, and the only way to get there is by investing in ourselves. So, find time to rest, find time to create, and find time to recharge and gain some perspective. You deserve it.
Take care of yourselves, friends. I know it isn’t easy for us to put ourselves first, but it’s essential. You are loved.
Montessori On My Mind 